The Yes I Would Choose Again

There are choices in life we make with confidence. Some arrive with spreadsheets and pros-and-cons lists, practical plans, and neat little timelines.

And then there are choices that arrive more like weather. They sweep in unexpectedly. They rearrange furniture in your soul. They alter landscapes you didn't know existed.

Love has always felt more like weather to me.

Lately, as I continue reflecting on the stories within Tattered & Mended: Soulful Stories of Life, Love and Legacy, I found myself sitting with Brian's chapter again. The chapter The Tattering and Mending I Didn't Choose. Even the title still catches in my throat a little.

Because if I'm being truthful, there were many things in that story I would never have chosen. I would not have chosen illness. I would not have chosen fear. I would not have chosen hospital rooms, hard conversations, or watching someone I loved walk a road I could not walk for him.

No one stands in line asking for heartbreak.

No one says, "Give me the chapter that will split me wide open."

But here's what I keep coming back to:

I chose Brian.

And if given the chance... I still would.

Every time.

Life has a funny way of asking us questions long after a season has passed.

Would you do it again?

Would you choose the person if you knew the ending?

Would you step toward love if you knew it would one day ask everything of you? Those questions feel easy when life is light. Harder when you've lived enough years to understand the cost of loving deeply. Because love always costs something.

Time.

Presence.

Pieces of yourself.

The willingness to be changed.

I think when we're young, we imagine love as arrival. We imagine the wedding photographs, anniversaries, family vacations, and growing old together with matching rocking chairs and inside jokes. But real love? Real love turns out to be built in ordinary Tuesdays.

In showing up.

In staying.

In learning a person's laugh.

In understanding their silences.

In memorizing the shape of their joy and the geography of their pain.

Love becomes thousands of tiny yeses.

Not one.

Thousands.

And looking back now, I realize Brian gave me things that never disappeared when he did. He changed the trajectory of my life. Not all at once. Not with grand speeches. But in small ways that became mountain-sized over time. There are people who enter our lives carrying gifts they don't even realize they hold.

Some hand us courage.

Some hand us perspective.

Some hand us healing.

Some hand us a mirror and quietly show us parts of ourselves we hadn't met yet.

Some leave fingerprints on your soul that no amount of time can erase.

Brian was one of those people.

His story inside Tattered & Mended is, of course, his own. And I won't give away all the pages here because some stories deserve to unfold in their own timing.

But I will say this: The chapter isn't only about loss.

It isn't only about grief.

It isn't only about the mending I never wanted.

It's also about choosing.

And choosing again.

About discovering that some loves become woven into us so deeply they stop feeling separate from who we are. Years later, I can still trace the threads.

I see them in my work.

I see them in the way I care for people.

I see them in the way I sit beside pain rather than run from it.

I see them in my understanding that life is fragile and sacred and wildly beautiful all at once.

The story changed me. But then again, maybe love always does. Perhaps that's the risk we quietly agree to when we say yes to people. We allow ourselves to be altered.

We hand another human being a needle and thread and say:

Here.

Help stitch yourself into my story. And maybe that is what I understand now that I couldn't have understood then. The tattering wasn't the whole story. The mending wasn't either.

Love was.

Still is.

If I had known every twist. Every ache. Every impossible moment. Every goodbye. I still would have said yes.

I would still choose him.

And perhaps that is one of the bravest things our hearts do. Not that we love. But that after being broken open by love, we remain willing to say yes again. Maybe that's where healing begins.

Not in forgetting.

Not in undoing.

But in honoring what was beautiful enough to choose twice. Or a thousand times over.

Some stories leave scars. Some leave gifts. Sometimes they leave both.

And if you're carrying a love that changed you, perhaps today is a good day to ask yourself:

Knowing all you know now...

Would you choose them again?

And perhaps, somewhere in the answer, you'll discover something about who you've become.

If you feel inclined, and have not purchased your copy you can find it here. If you have read this, I would love to hear your take on it. Possibly share if you have had a similar experience?